GIVE YOUR BRAIN A BREAK, NOT A BREAKDOWN.

I think you would have to have been living under a rock to have not noticed that awareness surrounding mental health has risen over the last five years especially, and to see that more and more research is being done to develop links and solutions in how to increase well-being. Personally, I think it’s great, at least now I do. 

A year ago, my mental health was the worst it has ever been, I hit literal rock bottom. I decided on May 29^thto attempt to take my own life. Obviously, this did not work. But it has led me on a year’s journey that felt, at times, much like walking through Jurassic Park with steak stapled to my back. Yet out the other side I have come, and I can now confirm there is nowhere I would rather be than sat here on planet earth. Here is a brief over view of the few months that changed my life. The feelings I had felt during these months. 

MAY 2018.

I had just attempted to take my own life, I was down but more importantly I was confused, it was the last day in May. I spent the whole day in bed and numb. When my mum and grandma turned up the next morning it was quite possibly the happiest, I had been in a long time. I felt relieved.

JUNE 2018.

June was probably the hardest month for me. I had just admitted to my attempt, so I was moved out of my uni halls early. I was brought home and settled back in. I remember the day so clearly. Me mum and grandma had a cup of tea around the dining room table and discussed the next steps. I went and saw my GP. Me mum and the GP sat and discussed. The crisis team were called and would handle the situation from there. It would be questioned if I would be sectioned for my own good and if so where and for how long? We walked home in silence being told to expect a call and everything would go from there. We walked through the gate and I just dropped to the floor and begged my mum to let me die. I was broken hearted as was she. But the call that saved us all came through. And it all started from there. 

3 nurses came to my house. I had to hand over all my medication, I was checked I had nothing else on me and they helped mum to make the house a safe place for me to live. Myself and the nurses then sat in the lounge and mum sat in a separate room until we were done. We discussed basic things like my sleeping pattern, my eating, my medication. It was a relaxed environment as I was in my own home, I felt safe. They were possibly the kindest humans I had ever met. We sat and spoke for a while we made a care plan for me and how I was going to go forward. It was decided that mum and grandma now had full control over my medical needs, even as basic as needing paracetamol, but it was for the best. Still to this day I feel sitting on my sofa and talking to these doctors was the conversation that saved my life. 

LATE JUNE: 

I had nurses come to the house 3 times a week and then once a week I visited the ward and had some time there with many different people. Some doctors, some psychologists, some just everyday people. But I was out. I was talking and learning to communicate without even realising! The sessions were led by these people and without knowing I was learning key skills. I was able to start opening up about my problems and where I thought they came from. And with their help and encouragement I finally was able to leave the toxic relationship I was in. One massive cord cut. We all cried tears of joy that day, even the doctors! 

As June carried on, I continued with the talking therapy as it was helping me. Every time I walked out that room, I felt five stone lighter. My head was cleared, the dog had lifted to paraphrase ‘Tangled’! And this talking therapy did wonders but another opportunity showed its face which I think is another key factor in a strong recovery! 

JULY 2018.

Off on my holidays I go! Having my mum and grandma care for me 24/7 was ace and I loved it, I also spent a lot of time with my Nana and I loved all of this, but I knew these people needed a break. Caring for someone is hard and I appreciate that, I do. So, it was decided I would go away with my auntie, uncle and cousin. They own a caravan in Bridlington, an area I knew well so off I went. It was the first time I had felt excited in a long time, and I remember thinking, I want to be able to feel things like this all the time. 

The holiday was an active one, we had four dogs with us which all needed walking and feeding and to be played with. They also needed brushing and drying off so I was always busy thinking about what needed to come next. But, there was a defining moment in this holiday for me and it was when I realized I was talking to the dogs, (fully aware how crazy that sounds!) but I was talking to them. Trying to take any problems I had step by step with them. I then realized, I need this talking therapy, because you know what, it helps!

I came home from that holiday a different person to when I left. My sleeping pattern and eating patterns had been fixed into a much more workable routine and for the first time in a long time I was able to think clearly, and I think the reason behind my clear thinking was having a talk with the dogs every day. The nurses came to my house again and I explained what I had been doing and they said it was almost like talking therapy, the only thing missing was someone talking back. We decided actually this is the best form of therapy for me and I was assigned a counsellor that I saw once every two weeks. When I moved back to university, I was then assigned a educational and mental health mentor who I saw once a week for one hour. The benefits I have had from talking therapy have been immense. The relationships I have been able to build back up again with people, but also how I am able to communicate to those around me.

A year on I am in the best mental state I have ever been, I have a partner who is incredible, and I love unconditionally. I have fully functioning relationships with my family again and I have very nearly completed my second year at uni. I will never ever be able to collect the right words to do this talking therapy justice, but if you take one thing away from this, know it’ bloody fantastic!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton